What To Do When Your Husband Says Hurtful Things?

Relationships are not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, arguments happen, and hurtful things are said.

It’s normal to feel hurt and angry when your spouse says something hurtful, but it’s important to know how to handle the situation.

In this article, we’ll discuss some tips on what to do when your partner says hurtful things during an argument. Whether you’re newlyweds or have been married for years, these tips can help you navigate through the rough patches and come out stronger on the other side.

So, take a deep breath, grab a cup of tea, and let’s dive in.

What To Do When Your Husband Says Hurtful Things?

1. Take a Step Back

When your spouse says something hurtful, it’s easy to react impulsively and say something you’ll regret later. Instead, take a step back and give yourself time to process your emotions. Take a deep breath, count to ten, or even take a walk outside to clear your head.

2. Communicate Your Feelings

Once you’ve had time to calm down, it’s important to communicate your feelings to your spouse. Let them know how their words made you feel and why it hurt you. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid placing blame.

3. Listen to Your Spouse

It’s important to listen to your spouse’s side of the story as well. Try to understand where they’re coming from and why they said what they did. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it can help you both come to a better understanding of each other’s perspectives.

4. Avoid Escalating the Situation

It’s easy for an argument to escalate when hurtful things are said. Try to avoid making the situation worse by retaliating with more hurtful words or actions. Instead, focus on finding a solution together.

5. Seek Professional Help

If you find that arguments with your spouse are becoming more frequent or intense, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A couples therapist can help you both learn better communication skills and work through any underlying issues that may be causing tension in your relationship.

Take A Step Back And Assess The Situation

Taking a step back and assessing the situation is an essential step when your husband says hurtful things. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and react impulsively. However, taking a step back can help you gain perspective on the situation and prevent things from escalating.

First, give yourself time to process your emotions. It’s okay to feel upset or hurt, but it’s important not to let those emotions control your actions. Take a deep breath, count to ten, or even take a walk outside to clear your head. This will give you time to calm down and think about what you want to say.

Next, assess the situation objectively. Try to understand why your husband said what he did and what triggered his behavior. Was he stressed from work? Did he have a bad day? Understanding the root cause of his behavior can help you approach the situation with empathy and compassion.

Once you’ve gained perspective on the situation, it’s time to communicate your feelings to your husband. Let him know how his words made you feel and why it hurt you. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid placing blame and focus on how you feel.

It’s also important to listen to your husband’s side of the story. Try to understand where he’s coming from and why he said what he did. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with him, but it can help you both come to a better understanding of each other’s perspectives.

Communicate Your Feelings Calmly And Assertively

When communicating your feelings to your spouse, it’s important to do so calmly and assertively. This means expressing your emotions in a clear and direct manner without attacking or blaming your partner. Use “I” statements to express how their words made you feel and why it hurt you. For example, “I felt hurt when you said that because it made me feel like you don’t respect me.”

It’s also important to be assertive when communicating your feelings. This means standing up for yourself and expressing your needs and boundaries. For example, if your spouse has a habit of saying hurtful things when they’re angry, you can say something like, “I understand that you’re upset, but I won’t tolerate being spoken to in a disrespectful way.”

When communicating your feelings, it’s important to avoid being passive or aggressive. Being passive means not expressing your needs or boundaries and allowing others to walk all over you. Being aggressive means attacking or blaming others for their behavior. Instead, aim for assertiveness by expressing your needs and boundaries in a clear and direct manner while also respecting the needs and boundaries of your partner.

Remember that effective communication takes practice and patience. It’s okay if you don’t get it right the first time, but keep practicing and working towards better communication with your spouse. By communicating calmly and assertively, you can work through any issues in your relationship and strengthen your bond with each other.

Avoid Retaliating With Hurtful Words Of Your Own

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when your husband says hurtful things is to retaliate with hurtful words of your own. This will only escalate the situation and make things worse. Instead, focus on communicating your feelings in a calm and constructive manner.

It’s important to remember that when you retaliate with hurtful words, you’re not solving the problem. You’re just adding fuel to the fire. This can lead to a vicious cycle of hurtful words and actions that can damage your relationship.

To avoid retaliating with hurtful words, take a step back and give yourself time to process your emotions. Once you’ve had time to calm down, communicate your feelings to your spouse in a calm and respectful manner. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid placing blame.

It’s also important to listen to your spouse’s side of the story. Try to understand where they’re coming from and why they said what they did. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it can help you both come to a better understanding of each other’s perspectives.

If you find that you’re unable to communicate effectively with your spouse or that arguments are becoming more frequent or intense, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A couples therapist can help you both learn better communication skills and work through any underlying issues that may be causing tension in your relationship.

Remember, retaliating with hurtful words will only make things worse. Focus on communicating your feelings in a calm and constructive manner, and seek professional help if needed.

Seek Outside Support Or Counseling If Needed

If you find that you and your spouse are unable to resolve issues on your own, seeking outside support or counseling may be necessary. This can be especially helpful if hurtful words or behaviors are a recurring issue in your relationship.

One option is to seek out a couples therapist who can provide a safe and neutral space for both you and your spouse to communicate and work through any underlying issues. A therapist can also teach you both effective communication skills and help you develop strategies for managing conflicts in a healthy way.

Another option is to seek support from a trusted friend or family member. Talking to someone you trust can provide a different perspective on the situation and offer emotional support.

In more serious cases, it may be necessary to seek professional help from organizations that specialize in dealing with family violence or abuse. In Singapore, the National Anti-Violence Helpline is available 24/7 for victims and members of the public to report family violence and other cases of abuse and neglect. This helpline provides a consolidated platform for those seeking help and eliminates the need for callers to navigate multiple helplines, enabling faster response.

Remember, seeking outside support or counseling does not mean that your relationship is doomed. It is a proactive step towards improving your relationship and addressing any issues before they escalate further.

Work On Building A Healthier Communication Dynamic In Your Relationship

One of the most important things you can do to prevent hurtful words from being said in the first place is to work on building a healthier communication dynamic in your relationship. This means practicing good communication skills on a regular basis, not just when things are going wrong.

Firstly, it’s important to be mindful of your thoughts and emotions when communicating with your spouse. Negative thoughts and difficult emotions can lead to unhealthy communication patterns, so try to be aware of what’s going through your mind before you speak. Communicate your emotions clearly and try to understand your spouse’s emotions as well.

Secondly, it’s important to be aware of how you interpret and decode messages from your spouse. Your inner lens can affect how you perceive what your spouse is saying, so it’s important to use paraphrasing to make sure you’re both on the same page. Paraphrasing involves using your own words to summarize what your spouse has said, so that you can be sure you understand their message.

Finally, listening is an essential skill for good communication. Practice active listening by focusing on your spouse’s facial expressions and body language as they speak. Try not to interrupt or judge what they’re saying, and avoid thinking about what you’re going to say next. By focusing on listening rather than talking, you’ll be able to build a stronger connection with your spouse and prevent hurtful words from being said in the first place.