Don’t Chase Him When He Pulls Away: Here’s Why…

By now, a few years have already passed. But my best friend’s words still ring in my ears:

“Let him go when he pulls away. Don’t follow him down or make things easy for him.”

I was going through the worst breakup I’ve ever experienced at that point.

But looking back, all I have to say is that she was 100% correct.

I’m sure every single woman in the world is aware of this vexing pattern employed by the majority of men:

The majority of males are experts at transitioning from being a kind, caring gentleman to vanishing into thin air. To win a lady and then pull away as if you’ve never been with her takes true expertise.

So why do males behave in this manner? Why do guys back away from you before committing to you? What should you do in such a situation?

As international dating and relationship coaches, we get these sort of questions time and time again.

Today, you’ll discover everything you need to know about why guys withdraw and what you can do to get them back.

When A Man Pulls Away, How Long Does It Last?

Some men will return after a day or two, but they are in the minority. But in most cases, a man’s realization of what he has and his decision to pursue you can take weeks, months, or even years.

Meanwhile, don’t check your phone constantly after you’ve let him leave, and don’t expect him to call you again the same day, the next day, or even a few days later.

No, letting him go isn’t going to be easy. You’ll have a lot of overthinking moments, and you’ll feel like giving up and reaching out to him at times.

Make a promise to me. DO NOT do anything, no matter how painful it is for you to endure this “let him go” stage. Take your time, keep yourself occupied, and wait (but not indefinitely).

Some guys require more time to come to their senses and recognize what they desire. Other men will take less time to decide whether or not they want to pursue you.

What To Do When A Man Pulls Away?

Here’s my first piece of advice to you:

When he pulls away, do nothing.

The stronger your emotional reaction to this situation is, the harder it will be to pull him back.

This is because a strong reaction will only lower your value in his eyes, and make him think that you need him more than he needs you.

Instead, take a deep breath, and stay calm. And once you have your emotions under control, try out some of the following techniques:

Don’t Make It Easy For Him

So, the worst thing you could do in this situation is track him down or beg him to return. Make him follow you down and fight for you instead.

It’s possible that this isn’t the first time something has happened to you. If it has happened before, this is a significant red signal, and you must take action this time (every relationship expert and dating coach would confirm that).

A high-value lady presents a challenge to high-quality men.

Consider it this way: If a man pulls away and you instantly start chasing after him, he will not regard you as a valuable woman, but as frantic and possibly dependent.

Even if he’s retreating and giving you nightmares right now, he’ll understand how much you want and need him in your life.

If you tell him he may back out at any time and you chase him down every time he does, he’ll lose faith in you.

Make it difficult for him. Rather than chasing him down, wait for him to come back to you on his own. Demonstrate to him that you are a challenge, and if he wants to be with you, he must be willing to win you over again.

Demonstrate to him that you’re a high-value woman who doesn’t chase after men who choose to back off because they have their own lives and fascinating things to do.

You don’t have time to worry about individuals who refuse to be a part of your life or who are unwilling to fully commit to you.

He’ll come back to you in a flash once he realises everything (assuming he still has feelings for you).

Take Control Of The Situation

Many women forget that reclaiming their power isn’t about being bossy or demanding that men do precisely what you say. I used to believe the same thing, but now I know the truth.

Realizing that you are in charge of your own actions, not his, is the first step in reclaiming your power.

Stop telling yourself, “He used to be a decent man, and I’m sure he still is,” and instead tell yourself, “I need to help him show me that.”

At the end of the day, you can’t make a man change if he doesn’t want to change.

You can’t make him behave the way you want him to.

If you’ve never had him before, you can’t lose him.

Realizing that he is responsible for his behavior and that it is not your obligation to assist him “become the man he ought to be” is the first step in reclaiming your authority.

You can’t make him send you daily good-night and good-morning texts. If this is solely your idea and not his, you can’t make him be more romantic.

If a man is unwilling or unable to treat you as you deserve, condemning him and pressing him to change will not help.

Will He Come Back After He Pulls Away?

When a man pushes away, the chances are good that he’ll return once he misses you. Only if you don’t chase him will he return to you, since it will show him that you’re a strong, confident, and valuable woman.

When you’re in love with someone, it feels like the only rational thing to do is to get closer to them. There’s nothing strange about craving their presence more than the air you’re breathing.

It would mean the world to you if you could just send one text or hear their voice for a second. What’s more, guess what? You will not be able to restore his pursuit for you if you do so.

Allow him to draw away and give him some space when he does. That’s the only way you’ll be able to get him back on track and get him to pursue you again.

Give Him The Chance To Miss You

I frequently argue that the worst human flaw is that we don’t realise how valuable we have until it’s gone. We have a tendency to take things for granted. We’ll easily forget how valuable what we have is if we don’t remind ourselves to be grateful for it.

Every day, every second, this occurs. Someone is literally taking their spouse for granted right now since they’ve spent too much time together and there hasn’t been any initial enthusiasm since their relationship began.

You must give him space to miss you and return to you if you want him to miss you and return to you.

What do you believe will happen if you keep texting him, contacting him, or doing anything else linked to chasing him? I’m well aware of what might occur. Because you’re still there, he wouldn’t be able to miss you at all.

When one of my friends asked me, “When does a man start to miss a woman?” I recall thinking to myself, “When does a man start to miss a woman?” I hadn’t given this subject any thought, so I told her right away: “When you offer him something to miss.”

Men fall in love in your absence, not in your presence, according to the facts. You could go to great lengths to please him at all times, yet this will not entice him to return to you or encourage him to seek you.

Every man requires some time to digest his emotions in order to understand what is going on with him. He’ll be able to dwell on his feelings for you and your relationship when he’s finally alone.

Allow a man to walk away when he pulls away. He’ll realise how much you mean to him at that point, and he won’t want to lose you. That is precisely what you must do!

You’ll make him know what he stands to lose if he doesn’t pursue you by allowing him to miss you.

He might perhaps believe that you’ve already met a new person and that you don’t have time to pursue him. He’ll be driven to show you that he’s more capable than any other man and that he can make you happy.

Allow Time For Your Relationship To Grow And Heal

One of the most common blunders that couples make is believing that spending time together all of the time is healthy for their relationship. It isn’t the case (especially when you have some underlying issues that need to be addressed).

Relationships are similar to the human body. Imagine you’ve been running a marathon for a while and you’re fatigued, but you’re still going. Will you be able to keep running indefinitely? Obviously not.

You’ll have to take a break at some point to rest and recover from the arduous race before you can continue. The same principle can be applied to the dynamics of relationships.

Every aspect of life, including relationships, necessitates rest and replenishment. Of course, you cannot be physically exhausted by your lover (though it is not impossible), but couples do require ’emotional rest’ from time to time.

This will assist you in recommitting in a healthy manner and strengthening your bond. One of the most crucial things is to allow your connection to grow and mend, since you can’t keep giving until you’ve recharged.

This will aid in the development of a natural flow in your connection.

This natural flow is meant to mimic breathing. If your partner pushes away and feels suffocated, understand that this is your relationship’s way of telling you that you need to take a break and let it reclaim its natural flow.

“Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder”

This may sound like a cliche, but it’s really accurate. If you ask me, absence in relationships is more significant than presence. Why?

Because your absence increases the other person’s attraction to you. So, if you let him go, will he come back to you? Yes, without a doubt.

He’ll return because he’ll notice how strong and confident you are, and these appealing attributes will increase his interest in you.

He’ll be impressed by your brave move, and he’ll begin to miss your touch, voice, and odd mannerisms, among other things.

The truth is, when guys pull away, they always assume and expect you to chase them down.

This means they will be very confused if you do not do so. Along with your love for them, this perplexity will inspire them to begin questioning things.

He’ll be thinking the same thing:

What happened to this woman? Why isn’t she chasing me down?

Did I make a mistake? How do I win her back?

Nothing in the world can stop a man from courting a lady and winning her heart again if he is determined to do so.

When a guy feels too much pressure or discomfort in the relationship, however, he simply feels an urge to flee.

That’s exactly how a man’s mind operates. It’s your duty to let him go and make him realize your worth if he begins to pull away.

Why Do Guys Pull Away? The 3 Most Common Reasons

One of the main reasons why men withdraw in the early stages of a relationship is that they fear losing their freedom. In other words, individuals begin to pull away when they begin to feel suffocated.

Why do men back away from you once you’ve gotten close? This occurs frequently, and it can be regarded an epidemic of men withdrawing in the early stages of a relationship, just as feelings begin to surface and things are ready to take a serious turn.

He Feels That You’re Too Controlling

Allow me to show you. Let’s imagine he isn’t wooing you like he used to, and his romantic gestures are either ineffective or nonexistent.

You become aware of all of this and it begins to disturb you. You wait for him to change, but he never does. As a result, you decide to take matters into your own hands and pressure him to put up more effort.

You begin to insist that he spend more time with you and lavish you with affection, as he did previously. When you start doing that, he’ll get the impression that you’re attempting to control him, and he’ll back away.

He’ll be afraid of being in a relationship with a domineering spouse, and he’ll start ghosting you as a result.

He Feels Annoyed By You

One of the most common reasons men withdraw is when you make them feel bad for not doing something or failing to satisfy your expectations.

It usually goes something like this:

“Why haven’t you done your dishes yet?”

“I told you to do it a million times.”

“Why do I have to be the one who constantly thinks of everything?”

At the end of the day, you might succeed in getting him to do what you want. But it comes at a cost of damaging your relationship.

Alternatively, consider this:

“I’ve feel like we’re drifting apart. Talk to me. Is there something wrong?”

“You can tell me everything. I’m always here to listen. I just want to know what’s bothering you”

When you express yourself instead of demanding things from him, he is a lot more likely to open up his heart to you and rekindle his feelings for you.

You’re sending him the message that he’s not doing anything right by constantly bugging him. So, by drawing away, he’s letting you know that you shouldn’t expect too much from him.

Men prefer to believe that they can make their women happy. He’ll start suffocating and want to walk out of this type of relationship if you’re solely focused on nagging instead of finding a calm solution to address your concerns.

The harder you push, the further he retreats.

This is something I personally understand. I freaked out when my ex began to distance himself from me, and pushing him seemed acceptable at the time. Unfortunately, I was unaware that the more I pushed, the further he backed away.

I was afraid of losing him, which is why I pushed him. You can’t help but overthink things when a man stops putting an effort and starts acting strangely.

Overthinking is what drives you to do silly things like chasing him in the hopes of changing him and convincing him that he’s making a mistake.

Let me tell you something: You know you’re not in a healthy relationship if you feel compelled to control him.

When desperation and terror enter the picture, these controlling behaviors occur. Suddenly, you find yourself inventing the ideal strategy to make him regret even considering ghosting or withdrawing from you.

Unfortunately, you can’t keep lying to yourself for too long. You suddenly understand that you have no control over the situation. So, as he starts to back away, let him go.

You’ll push him away even more if you send him desperate texts. Remember: The more you press him to be the guy you want him to be, the further he will retreat.

He Feels Too Much Pressure From The Relationship

Here’s the deal:

When it comes to their freedom of choice, men are particularly sensitive.

A man will get terrified if he feels compelled to choose between himself and his lover.

He might fear that he has to give up the choice of how to spend his time, and worry about commitment.

Let’s assume he wants to watch football with his friends, but you won’t let him since you want him exclusively for yourself.

If you don’t give a man a choice, he will begin to feel suffocated in the relationship and withdraw.

True, being in a committed relationship necessitates effort and commitment. But this does not imply that partners should spend all of their free time together.

The best option is to compromise. If you know how to negotiate with him, he will have adequate time and space for himself, and he will never consider withdrawing because such a connection will not feel burdensome to him.

Let Him Go: He’ll Come Back To You

What do you do if he backs off? Should you go into begging mode and attempt everything you can to get his attention? Should you act as though you don’t mind?

Here’s what you should do when he withdraws from you:

Don’t Panic Or Overreact

First and foremost, don’t be surprised by his sudden choice to retreat. I know that this won’t be comfortable at first, but guys do this all the time.

They don’t always understand why they’re doing it, but they keep doing it anyhow. So don’t be alarmed. Don’t get caught up in the question of whether he’s withdrawing or starting a breakup. How am I going to go through another heartbreak?

I understand that being on the receiving end of someone who is withdrawing makes you feel fearful and insecure, but you are stronger than that.

Allow him to draw away if he does. Don’t be alarmed right away, and don’t think it’s a huge concern. Why? Because, at the very least, you can still have some control over it.

No, you can’t control what goes on in his head, but you may give him messages like: If you back up, I won’t chase you since I don’t have time.

You can accomplish a great deal by doing nothing. We often overlook the importance of subliminal messaging. The reality is, you don’t have to say anything to let him know how you’re feeling about the issue.

Give it a try. You’ll be surprised at how big of an impact you will make simply by being unreactive.

Figure Out What’s Truly Going On With Him

Rather than instantly chasing him down, decide to spend some time to figure out what’s going on in his thoughts.

You’ll learn a lot about yourself, him, and your relationship (or whatever-ship you were/are in) if you observe the issue from his perspective.

There are a variety of reasons why a man could abruptly withdraw, and if you want to figure out what happened, you’ll need to consider both your and his actions, as well as your relationship in general.

Was it difficult for him to open up to you? Were you overly obnoxious? Is he the type who can’t seem to make up his mind? Is he a worrier when it comes to attachment?

There are a slew of questions you may ask yourself to aid in your study of his actions. It’s critical to discover what can be changed in a long-term relationship so that you can make it work in the future.

How To Be High Value When He Pulls Away

If you want to bring him back, you must continue to be a high-value woman, which you will do by letting him go, focusing only on yourself, and learning that you do not require a man to feel whole.

When a guy pulls away, it’s natural to panic and try to figure out why this is happening and what you did wrong. But you shouldn’t do it if you want him back.

Concentrate On Yourself

You’ll often feel compelled to call him, text him, or inquire about him among his pals. That is not something you should do.

Live your own life instead. Allow him to pull away and concentrate on yourself.

Remind Yourself That Your Happiness Doesn’t Depend On Him

I used to believe that being with someone who honestly cares and loves you is the only thing that can make you completely happy in life. I’ve squandered a lot of time (read: money) waiting for the One who will complete the puzzle of happiness.

No, you don’t need a man to make you happy, I can now proclaim proudly and loudly. You don’t require a man to be complete.

You are completely capable of completing the task on your own. Yes, you have the ability to make yourself joyful. You have the option to indulge yourself and treat yourself as you deserve. You might even date yourself!

Actually, you should date yourself first before dating anyone else. Before falling in love with someone else, you should first fall in love with yourself.

You’ll stop seeking him once you realise you don’t need a man to introduce you to the concept of happiness.

It’s fine if you miss him and wish for him to return to you as the old him. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t try everything you can to attract his attention and “bring him home.”

Here’s how to have a great dating life and relationship: You should never NEED a man; instead, you should WANT him.

Consider this: I want to be with you because I want to, not because I need you. Having a man in your life shouldn’t be the focus of your entire existence.

You can live happily ever after on your own. He’ll come back to you once he knows that.

DON’T Chase Him!

Allow him to leave when he pulls away. In this situation, pursuing him is the absolute last thing you should do. Many people have made this mistake and learned the hard way that chasing makes matters worse.

Make him chase YOU instead of chasing him.

Yes, lady! I’m going to share something extremely significant with you, so please read it carefully. When guys decide to back off, they secretly hope that you would chase them down. Why?

They want to be wanted, so they’ll do everything to get it. They also want to be in charge of the situation, and his backing up puts him in command, but you chasing him puts you in second place.

You’ll let him know he’s not in charge if you don’t chase him. He’ll be curious as to why you’re not attempting to stop him and persuade him to change his decision.

In some ways, he’ll be annoyed that he has no idea what’s going on inside your thoughts.

He’ll begin to wonder why she isn’t attempting to prevent him from retreating. Has she ever given a damn about me? Is it possible that she has met someone else and is no longer interested in me?

If you let him free, he’ll start asking himself these and other things. If you don’t let him go (read: start chasing him), he won’t ask himself any questions; instead, he’ll just think: She still wants me, even though I’m probably not worthy of being with her.

So, how does a man act when he knows that no matter what he does, a woman is still interested in him?

He does anything he wants because he believes that no matter what he says or does, you will never stop chasing him.

He considers you to be a given. He loses respect and appreciation for you. He begins to perceive you as a lady with no boundaries.

So, what should a man do if he believes a lady has no standards?

He feels free to breach all the rules and return to you whenever it is convenient for him, without fear of you rejecting him.

Do yourself a favour and stay away from him.

Do your own thing, girl, because he’ll come after you if you don’t quit chasing him. He’ll be more than happy to do all in his power to be a part of your life again if you show him that you’re a confident, powerful woman.

How To Capture His Heart And Make Him Fall For You

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